By Mark Vincent Lincir
If this conversation hasn’t happened by the time you read this, it is happening soon. Below is a hypothetical conversation between Chelsea owner Roman Abramovich and his new full-time manager Roberto Di Matteo (RDM).
RDM: (tugging at collar) Seems a little warm in here.
RA: Somebody please get the air conditioning on!
RDM: (lifting cup in front of him) Is this tea? I prefer coffee.
RA: Let’s get some coffee in here please!
RDM: Mr. Abramovich, let me cut to the chase…I don’t even want the full-time job.
RDM: No, I’m kidding…was trying to do the “take-away” on you. Of course I want it.
RA: I was thinking of offering you a substantial contract.
RDM: Yeah, I already put some thought into that…I was thinking 10 years, 10 billion dollars.
RDM: Yes, how many zeros is that?
RA: Nine, I think.
RDM: No…sorry, then I meant trillion dollars.
RDM: Two trophies in two months…and I probably would have won more if I had more time.
RA: True…I do like how much you’ve won. And the improbable Champions League run made me very happy. How about one year…$5 million dollars but you’ve got to win every game and the other team can’t ever score a goal on us.
RDM: That’s sounds sort of unreasonable. How about 20 years, 999 trillion dollars…and a “no-termination” clause?
RA: I don’t like that at all. Let’s do a per-game contract. $1 million per win, and $10 million per trophy. Termination can be at any time for any reason.
RDM: Any reason?
RDM: But what if I keep winning?
RA: Then there won’t ever be a problem.
RDM: But if I lose, even just once?
RA: Then there are problems.
RDM: And I don’t ever have to play Torres if I don’t want to?
RA: It’s entirely up to you.
RDM: How about John Terry?
RA: You do have to play him…whenever he’s not suspended.
RDM: You have yourself a deal.
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