The training ground spat between Micah Richards and Mario Balotelli proves once again that ‘Super’ Mario is bonkers barmy. After all, says Soccer365’s Howard Johnson, would you pick on City’s man mountain defender?
So the news is in that ‘Super’ Mario Balotelli and Micah Richards had a fight on the training pitch the other day. Interesting stuff. But my extensive research (well, Googling, to be precise) has failed to confirm the most important detail of the whole punch-up palaver. Who exactly won the fight?
It’s all very well reading that this is the kind of thing that happens on training pitches up and down the country every day of the week; that the two boys kissed and made up within seconds; that Mario was upset “because Micah wouldn’t pass to him” (and remind me where these two boys play? Manchester City Primary School?); that they’re actually really, really great mates. Fine, fine, fine. But who took the honours in the fight? Whose block was knocked off? Whose clock was cleaned? Whose 10 bells were kicked out of them? Who won, dammit?
Nobody seems prepared to spill the fisticuff beans on this one. But if I were a betting man (and I’m afraid that Betfred won’t be getting the details of my bank account anytime soon) then I’d be prepared to lay some serious money on it being Micah who duffed Mario up.
In fact, this particular pagga does confirm one thing (as if it needed confirming); that Balotelli is as mad as a goose on stilts. After all, who in their right mind would take Micah Richards on in the blow-trading game? Have you seen the man? He is a beast. With buttocks so strong they’ll no doubt send Mark ‘Lawro’ Lawrenson into a right tizzy (“I’ve not seen the like since Alan Shearer used his tremendous ample buttocks to shield the ball!”) and a face on him that says “You and whose army?” Richards is a warrior, a frightening figure, a man you’d always let into the traffic queue ahead of you. That Balotelli – not a small man himself, but in no way the same physical specimen as Richards – should get it into his head to have a pop at this bloke of all people, when he could have picked on David Silva, clearly demonstrates that he’s mad as a bandicoot.
Richards looks like a man who will never take a backward step. He’s got the fighting chat too. Remember when he first made it into the City team. Unused to dealing with the press he was always available to let off a round of f**ks whenever the cameras were rolling. I was scared of him and his potty mouth then – and he was only on my telly! Imagine if he’d been shouting and swearing in my living room. At me! Imagine if it were me and not Balotelli squaring up to him on the training pitch. I think I might have a done a little involuntary wee in my Umbro training pants. But Mario clearly had no such inhibitions, which merely confirms that he’s stark raving bonkers.
Did he have any secret weapons about his person that Richards didn’t know about? Does this perhaps explain why he chose such a rash course of action? Did he put his infamous ‘glove hat’ on in the hope that Richards would double up with laughter, giving Mario that small window of opportunity to bash his opponent on the head while he was somewhat distracted? Oh, the money I would have paid to have been able to see this particular Mancunian standoff!
City manager Roberto Mancini laughed the whole incident off as a storm in a teacup. In his rather urbane and laconic manner he dismissed the whole thing with a wave of his well-manicured hand. That’s easy for him to do, of course. He wasn’t in the middle of it trying to sort things out. I imagine that must have been a job for Brian Kidd. Given that I’m not exactly sure what he does this would seem a perfect additional extra to his list of responsibilities. ‘Tactical analysis. Scouting the opposition. Sorting out playground scuffles.’ It’s important work.
I think what they should really do, though, is formalise this kind of thing. Make it a paying event. Increase revenue streams. Extend the brand. MCFC Fight Night. I suspect that Sky would give serious consideration to buying the rights and I reckon they might even be able to ‘Pay Per View’ it. If All Black rugby superstar Sonny Boy Williams can get in the ring, then why not the boys in blue? You always have to think outside the box, but this is a perfect opportunity to think inside the box-ing ring. At a time when footballers can barely touch each other on a football pitch without the referee blowing up for a foul, isn’t it about time we brought the ‘Man’ back to Man City? Let’s get ready to rumble! You know it makes sense!
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